Richard J. Foster: Have you ever experienced what Thomas Kelly describes as "a Light within," or "a speaking Voice," or "the Divine Center"? Describe.
YES. I have experienced it near the ocean, near lakes, near streams, near rivers. I have felt it in the thunderstorm. It is the awesome power and presence of the Living God. It is larger, wider, and deeper than any church. It is the secret heart of Jesus, shown to those who open themselves to Him. It does not force; but it overwhelms. It is what Schleiermacher called "The feeling of absolute dependence." Dependence - on an omnipotent, omniscient Lord of the universe whose ways cannot be known, but who stoops to reveal Himself to us.
Why?
I have struggled with this question. I have asked God why he would give me such a feeling - it seems to have no relevance to the world. If one other person disturbs this reverie, it is gone. At work it is the farthest thing from my mind. I would like to share it with those I love, such as my wife, but I do not know how. "I know you're there" - this is how one friend described it to me. It is a deeply contemplative experience, rather like a monk's. It is an ecstasy. It is not hard to find again - but any background noise, be it radio, TV, or (as I said) any person, will send it packing. So why have this feeling if it seems to be completely useless? Luther had it in the thunderstorm, and became a monk because of it. Is this what I should have done? I've thought about it.
Then Luther decided he could not reach God through the monastery, no matter how hard he tried. He used every trick in the medieval book and fell short. He was scared of damnation, which I (thanks to my modern conceit) have never been, but I share his intense sense of inadequacy before the mighty God. The God in whose presence one cannot bear to stand, yet who comes to one as an irresistible force. Not a threatening force, but undeniable nonetheless.
Luther finally discovered that no matter how he reached for God, even though he cloistered himself and thought of nothing else - he would always fall short. He had to let God reach for him, and once God did so, God pulled him out of the monastery and into the world. Luther never would have suspected this - a monk who preaches against the church, defies all medieval authorities, relies on Scripture alone as the truest guide, gets married and has children for heaven's sake, and learns to enjoy those things about the world he had been taught to scorn - this was a complete surprise. This was the way of Jesus, not the monastery. Jesus enjoyed and served the world - we should do the same.
But what of the feeling? Going into the world would mean it is gone. Even entering the ministry does not help - only the quiet time is when the flame returns. One answer would be, well of course the feeling should not remain all the time - even for people who believe, this is not the purpose of life. But I would protest, because the difference between the feeling and the world is so great, there seems to be nothing in common. And we believe God created the world - so why would he give us this feeling that seems to have no place in the world he created? You're splitting hairs, some would say. You think too much. Just believe and everything will feel fine. Oh, but if you have ever experienced this, you would know what I mean - how vast and (Barth) totally Other the feeling is. Just take a moment to remember, and the whole world can seem like a very bad joke. Philosophers have used this starting point to mount their Problem of Evil attacks.
Luther's journey gives a clue. I cannot believe he would do anything out of sheer duty. Calvin might have, Catholics would certainly, but not Luther. If he lost the feeling when he found himself thrust into controversy and the world, into service and danger, he would have stopped. It's not worth it. What I have realized is that the feeling is not just in my mind, or even in God, out there somewhere, it is from the Holy Spirit, who is in every person who believes. Who is in me. God lives in me, and the ability to overwhelm me can come from that, not just from the outside.
This means the feeling does not have to leave me when I go out into the world, indeed it never leaves me at all. What changes is how good I am at remembering it. Martin Luther King had the Spirit right in the middle of his "I have a Dream" speech, surrounded by people, danger, politics, the world in all of its facets. But in spite of all of that, he could see glory, in public, and - and tell everyone! "I have seen the promised land!" he said. Then of course the Devil couldn't take any more, and had him shot. Some people say that this was a shame, but they miss the point. The point is that the Spirit could not be contained within King, it came out all the time, and his speeches are proof of this. He had every reason to feel discouraged - but he did not. He rose above. What a strong person, some people say. They miss the point! What a mighty communion with God! What a dramatic display of the Spirit's power, right there in our own century!
If I remember - if I "ever return quietly," as Kelly says, that the flame burns in me, and that He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world (the Devil), then I will not lose heart. I will see God in the world. I will feel His presence while I am at work. I will see Him in others, not just because of what they confess, but the true presence of the Spirit in their hearts. I will be able to transmit this signal to my wife, even without words. I will even (inhale) be able to engage in the cynical art of politics and not see this flame go out. (Bono has had a lot of trouble with this lately. "When I look at the world." The more good a person tries to do, the more the Devil is determined to press the person down. I think only God's mercy has kept the Devil from killing Bono.)
You're just crazy, another voice says. What will your friends think? How can you publish this - no one is going to understand it anyway. Even those who share your faith will probably dismiss it. It's not respectable. It doesn't belong on a blog, it's not timely. (Bono's not timely?) :) Sure Scott and Dave might like it, they share your nutty notions, but no one else will. They'll show you outward respect while inwardly looking askance. Just keep it on your personal hard drive. Even Yelena won't get it. Thomas Kelly - oh that's all well and good, but he never would have blogged. (Why not? He was a philosopher.) It's too - devotional. Rare bird, indeed. Endangered species is more like it. Which is what will happen to this if you publish. Don't you want to be widely read?
Screwtape. Luther thought the printing press worthy of transmitting the knowledge of God. Why not blogs? Some will be tempted to stop reading it because of this - fine. They should know I am a not a man in a monastery - I live in the world, and I will not stop writing about all the other things I've written about before. As for being popular - Luther was widely read, remember? This will probably do more to generate interest than anything else I've written, anyway. This started out as a spiritual autobiography, so why not? Nothing here is going to get me in more trouble than what I've written before.
So remember - the flame burns in you, not just out there in the universe. The world tries to put it out - but it can't. It's there for you always. It's not dependent on your remembrance of it - but remembering will make it more real to you. Thomas Kelly knew this, he lived it, more than I ever will. But I don't have to restrict this feeling to my quiet times. Neither should you.
YES. I have experienced it near the ocean, near lakes, near streams, near rivers. I have felt it in the thunderstorm. It is the awesome power and presence of the Living God. It is larger, wider, and deeper than any church. It is the secret heart of Jesus, shown to those who open themselves to Him. It does not force; but it overwhelms. It is what Schleiermacher called "The feeling of absolute dependence." Dependence - on an omnipotent, omniscient Lord of the universe whose ways cannot be known, but who stoops to reveal Himself to us.
Why?
I have struggled with this question. I have asked God why he would give me such a feeling - it seems to have no relevance to the world. If one other person disturbs this reverie, it is gone. At work it is the farthest thing from my mind. I would like to share it with those I love, such as my wife, but I do not know how. "I know you're there" - this is how one friend described it to me. It is a deeply contemplative experience, rather like a monk's. It is an ecstasy. It is not hard to find again - but any background noise, be it radio, TV, or (as I said) any person, will send it packing. So why have this feeling if it seems to be completely useless? Luther had it in the thunderstorm, and became a monk because of it. Is this what I should have done? I've thought about it.
Then Luther decided he could not reach God through the monastery, no matter how hard he tried. He used every trick in the medieval book and fell short. He was scared of damnation, which I (thanks to my modern conceit) have never been, but I share his intense sense of inadequacy before the mighty God. The God in whose presence one cannot bear to stand, yet who comes to one as an irresistible force. Not a threatening force, but undeniable nonetheless.
Luther finally discovered that no matter how he reached for God, even though he cloistered himself and thought of nothing else - he would always fall short. He had to let God reach for him, and once God did so, God pulled him out of the monastery and into the world. Luther never would have suspected this - a monk who preaches against the church, defies all medieval authorities, relies on Scripture alone as the truest guide, gets married and has children for heaven's sake, and learns to enjoy those things about the world he had been taught to scorn - this was a complete surprise. This was the way of Jesus, not the monastery. Jesus enjoyed and served the world - we should do the same.
But what of the feeling? Going into the world would mean it is gone. Even entering the ministry does not help - only the quiet time is when the flame returns. One answer would be, well of course the feeling should not remain all the time - even for people who believe, this is not the purpose of life. But I would protest, because the difference between the feeling and the world is so great, there seems to be nothing in common. And we believe God created the world - so why would he give us this feeling that seems to have no place in the world he created? You're splitting hairs, some would say. You think too much. Just believe and everything will feel fine. Oh, but if you have ever experienced this, you would know what I mean - how vast and (Barth) totally Other the feeling is. Just take a moment to remember, and the whole world can seem like a very bad joke. Philosophers have used this starting point to mount their Problem of Evil attacks.
Luther's journey gives a clue. I cannot believe he would do anything out of sheer duty. Calvin might have, Catholics would certainly, but not Luther. If he lost the feeling when he found himself thrust into controversy and the world, into service and danger, he would have stopped. It's not worth it. What I have realized is that the feeling is not just in my mind, or even in God, out there somewhere, it is from the Holy Spirit, who is in every person who believes. Who is in me. God lives in me, and the ability to overwhelm me can come from that, not just from the outside.
This means the feeling does not have to leave me when I go out into the world, indeed it never leaves me at all. What changes is how good I am at remembering it. Martin Luther King had the Spirit right in the middle of his "I have a Dream" speech, surrounded by people, danger, politics, the world in all of its facets. But in spite of all of that, he could see glory, in public, and - and tell everyone! "I have seen the promised land!" he said. Then of course the Devil couldn't take any more, and had him shot. Some people say that this was a shame, but they miss the point. The point is that the Spirit could not be contained within King, it came out all the time, and his speeches are proof of this. He had every reason to feel discouraged - but he did not. He rose above. What a strong person, some people say. They miss the point! What a mighty communion with God! What a dramatic display of the Spirit's power, right there in our own century!
If I remember - if I "ever return quietly," as Kelly says, that the flame burns in me, and that He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world (the Devil), then I will not lose heart. I will see God in the world. I will feel His presence while I am at work. I will see Him in others, not just because of what they confess, but the true presence of the Spirit in their hearts. I will be able to transmit this signal to my wife, even without words. I will even (inhale) be able to engage in the cynical art of politics and not see this flame go out. (Bono has had a lot of trouble with this lately. "When I look at the world." The more good a person tries to do, the more the Devil is determined to press the person down. I think only God's mercy has kept the Devil from killing Bono.)
You're just crazy, another voice says. What will your friends think? How can you publish this - no one is going to understand it anyway. Even those who share your faith will probably dismiss it. It's not respectable. It doesn't belong on a blog, it's not timely. (Bono's not timely?) :) Sure Scott and Dave might like it, they share your nutty notions, but no one else will. They'll show you outward respect while inwardly looking askance. Just keep it on your personal hard drive. Even Yelena won't get it. Thomas Kelly - oh that's all well and good, but he never would have blogged. (Why not? He was a philosopher.) It's too - devotional. Rare bird, indeed. Endangered species is more like it. Which is what will happen to this if you publish. Don't you want to be widely read?
Screwtape. Luther thought the printing press worthy of transmitting the knowledge of God. Why not blogs? Some will be tempted to stop reading it because of this - fine. They should know I am a not a man in a monastery - I live in the world, and I will not stop writing about all the other things I've written about before. As for being popular - Luther was widely read, remember? This will probably do more to generate interest than anything else I've written, anyway. This started out as a spiritual autobiography, so why not? Nothing here is going to get me in more trouble than what I've written before.
So remember - the flame burns in you, not just out there in the universe. The world tries to put it out - but it can't. It's there for you always. It's not dependent on your remembrance of it - but remembering will make it more real to you. Thomas Kelly knew this, he lived it, more than I ever will. But I don't have to restrict this feeling to my quiet times. Neither should you.
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