TELLER: Reason for unemployment? OEDIPUS: I’m disabled. T: Please state the reason for the disability. O: Blindness. T: (looks up) Oh, I see. I’m sorry. Were you born with this condition? O: No… T: Are you claiming worker’s compensation? O: No. I gouged my own eyes out. T: OMG! Why did you do that?! O: Well - I killed my father and married my mother. T: WTF?! O: I didn’t do it on purpose! T: Still! Ugh! … Here’s an AD&D form. Next please!
Me from junior high school: I need to pick a foreign language. I can do French, German, or Spanish. my maternal grandfather is German. Think I’ll try to learn that. Me at German camp: wow, that girl is hot. I definitely made the right choice. Her friends: Btw, she’s a lesbian. Oh...well, that’s all good... Me from college: I need to pass this exam to graduate. ugh, / konjunctiv / II! ... I’m going to study abroad in England. Me in grad school: wow, this woman is hot. She likes me. We should get married. She speaks Russian, but that’s all good. Me now: my paternal grandfather was Norwegian. why couldn’t junior high school have had that as a choice?!